Column: Satisfaction now comes in a bar of soap

Dear readers,

Once upon a time, rock stars had artistic integrity. It is a phrase now as antiquated as a telephone with a rotary dial.

Rock stars were the counterculture.  They were the rebels, the ones writing protest songs, not hawking bars of soap.

I saw The Rolling Stones in Indianapolis in 1972. I was close to the stage. Judging by his appearance, I don’t think guitarist Keith Richards had ever met a bar of soap.

Imagine my shock when I discovered a display of Rolling Stones bar soap for sale at our local Walmart.

Back in the 20^th century, Bruce Springsteen turned down Chrysler’s $12 million offer to use his song "Born in the USA.” The Boss had principles.

Jim Morrison, lead singer of The Doors, threatened to drop-kick an Opel off a cliff rather than let "Light My Fire" sell Buicks.

Prince wouldn’t even let Kevin Smith use "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World" in a movie. His Purple Highness guarded his music.

The Who’s Pete Townshend refused to let "Baba O’Riley" become the theme for “That ‘70s Show.” Although the lyrics “It’s only teenage wasteland” would have been perfect as stoned teenagers Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, and crew hung out in the basement.

Once upon a time The Rolling Stones wrote songs mocking consumerism. "(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction" famously sneered at ads promising "how white your shirts can be," while "Get Off of My Cloud" was basically a middle finger to commercial intrusion. Fast forward to 2025, and the Stones are selling soap. 

Yes, the same band that once railed against corporate greed now has their famous tongue logo plastered on a giant end of aisle cardboard display at Walmart.

Mick Jagger, now 81, has gone from singing "I can’t get no satisfaction" to doing his best Jerry Maguire shouting into the telephone “show me the money” when Walmart called.

I guess I can’t really blame Mick. The man has children to support all over the world. Mick’s offspring range in age from "conceived last night" to "eligible for AARP discounts."  

As Bob Dylan once prophesied, "The times they are a-changin’." And by "changin’," he clearly meant "selling out."

The Stones, once the voice of rebellion, now peddle soap with the same enthusiasm they once reserved for smashing hotel rooms.

In the future, look for these Rolling Stones inspired products:

Start Me Up: Energy drinks

Paint It Black: A line of high-quality edgy makeup products for the goth crowd

You Can’t Always Get What You Want: Dating App

Wild Horses: A luxury perfume or cologne line evoking freedom and nature

Sympathy for the Devil: Spicy hot sauces

Beast of Burden: Ergonomic backpacks

Gimme Shelter: Recreational Vehicles 

See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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